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VW Lounge => OFF Topic => Topic started by: lovebus (jack) on October 31, 2011, 08:05:32 am

Title: Classes for Women
Post by: lovebus (jack) on October 31, 2011, 08:05:32 am

Classes for Women
at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By January 30

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .


Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down,
or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. 

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

I'm sending my wife to this one!!!!
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a  Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9 
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to  Parallel   Park  In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
 
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes
Without Throwing Passengers
Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined   

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on October 31, 2011, 09:16:37 am
OH NO YOU DIDN'T! !  &(rage_

Just you wait Mr Jack ... bugey--   #@rofl3
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: Baha (Shawn) on October 31, 2011, 07:44:40 pm


        (http://www.freewebby.com/sign-smilies/ironshirt.gif)







My favorite smiley of all time!
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: matt on October 31, 2011, 09:02:55 pm
  I hope these are'nt filled

Class 7
Can a  Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.


Class 9 
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

good one Jack!

 A few years ago  at work,I came upon a group of women who were talking to my male friend. He seemed in a bad way, I asked him what was wrong, and he said he threw his back out.  I said " how in the world did you do that?" - as he was extremely athletic.  He said he was ironing a shirt - I told him " - Look Mike, men and women are built differently, why are you engaging in an activity that you were not genetically designed to do?!! -that's dangerous"

  Of course the women threw a fit  thumpup)-



Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on October 31, 2011, 09:07:52 pm
MATTHEW!!  not you too!! 





Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: buglvw (Howard) on October 31, 2011, 10:23:11 pm
I always say; Don't send a man to do a womans work 2@@cool

True story;

When I broke my thumb a couple of years ago I had to go to therapy. There was a lady there getting therapy also. They had her folding towels, clothes, etc.
Innocently I said I hope you have different therapy for men. Boy did I get the  *cold* stare.  In my defense I was thinking of using tools like screwdrivers or adjustable wrenches  ?/banghea?/
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: matt on November 01, 2011, 07:44:56 pm


 HaH!  That's a good one Howard!

Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 01, 2011, 08:01:24 pm
That's right...  don't send a man to do woman's work....   THEY'RE NOT CAPABLE OF DOING IT.  Something to do with an inability to multi-task, I believe....
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: buglvw (Howard) on November 01, 2011, 08:19:40 pm
OUCH 3#blab# #@rofl3
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 01, 2011, 08:28:33 pm
 &^rofl &^rofl
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: 71vert on November 07, 2011, 04:37:12 pm
Now now, boys!  Here's a little lesson for all of you; Of course, I thought at YOUR age you woulda figured it out by now...   ?/banghea?/



A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."

So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."

So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story:

Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: lovebus (jack) on November 07, 2011, 05:45:47 pm
OK, your asking for it. (((o:


First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: lovebus (jack) on November 07, 2011, 05:51:40 pm
Farmer Frank had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing.

One day when he was out in the field, Frank's wife brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Frank's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.

At the wake, Frank's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Frank he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.

When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Frank and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?"

Well, Frank replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, 'Is that mule for sale!?'" &^rofl #@rofl3
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: lovebus (jack) on November 07, 2011, 05:56:35 pm
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 07, 2011, 06:55:41 pm
Men, you can't live with 'em,  and you can't kill 'em without getting caught......
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: matt on November 07, 2011, 08:56:36 pm


 Well, Jack did have some good ones there!    #@rofl3  &^rofl  #@rofl3
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 07, 2011, 09:07:05 pm
yeah yeah yeah....   3#blab# 3#blab# 3#blab#           #@rofl3
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: 71vert on November 08, 2011, 07:05:45 pm
OK, your asking for it. (((o:



Oh Brother!
Ok, gloves are coming off!

Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.


Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: 71vert on November 08, 2011, 07:06:20 pm
A single man in his 40's often has a problem finding women at his level of maturity. That's why he dates someone half his age.   #@rofl3
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 08, 2011, 07:08:51 pm
Here are the top ten things that men know about women!

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: 71vert on November 08, 2011, 07:09:46 pm
 payatten*

Women have their faults.
Men have only two.
Everything they say and
everything they do.

 &^rofl #@rofl3 &^rofl #@rofl3

Serious note- It was a pleasure to meet you guys at last nights meeting.  You guys do such a nice job!  Thanks!
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 08, 2011, 07:10:51 pm
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work drink with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him.

The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward them. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, for $100, on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.

The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, took some money from his purse, and gladly pressed it into the young man's hand.

She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly and meaningfully said, "Clean my house."
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 08, 2011, 07:15:55 pm
 What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes.

How can you tell if your husband is dead? A: The sex is the same but you get the remote.


What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: 71vert on November 08, 2011, 07:17:20 pm
 &^rofl #@rofl3

 clap2-*
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: lovebus (jack) on November 08, 2011, 09:03:18 pm
As I  &^rofl      &^rofl
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: lovebus (jack) on November 08, 2011, 09:04:01 pm

 What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes.


WOW, what a man!!! Here I always thought difference was 55 minutes.
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: VWPANZER1 on November 08, 2011, 10:17:14 pm
       The Black Bra, as told by a woman.

   I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

   We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door
Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

 Here's how it all went.

  My engaged friend:
  The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, "You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you" Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
   Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

  Then I had to share my story:
   When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said...   
.
.
.
.
.
   
"What's for dinner, Zorro?"
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: Baha (Shawn) on November 08, 2011, 10:43:46 pm
A man says to his friend, ?I haven?t spoken to my wife in 18 months.?
The friend says, ?Why not??
The man says, ?I don?t like to interrupt her.?



Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 09, 2011, 08:28:50 am
Omg....  this thread is WAY too funny!!    &^rofl &^rofl
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: lovebus (jack) on November 09, 2011, 03:14:58 pm
A masked man walks into a bank and holds it up at gunpoint to rob the bank.

In the process of robbing the bank, his mask fell off. He quickly put it back on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face. She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her.

He then turned to the teller that was beside the one her just killed and asked if she had also seen his face. She said that she did and he shot and killed her too. He then turned to a man, a customer who just happened to be in the bank when the robbery was taking place. The robber asked the customer if he had seen his face.

The customer replied, ?No, but I?m pretty sure my wife did.?
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: lovebus (jack) on November 09, 2011, 03:17:37 pm
Question: What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence?

Answer: Divorced.
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: matt on November 09, 2011, 05:23:22 pm



   #@rofl3    &^rofl     #@rofl3      a lot of good ones!


Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: 71vert on November 09, 2011, 08:22:38 pm
OK so here are the courses to help you men... Maybe we can all get scholarships and finally end the war of the sexes!  (yes, I want world peace)
 09group:  **also need a peace symbol smiley!  #@rofl3

Etiquette and Behavior:
EB101: PMS - Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
EB102: We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Just Give Us The Credit Cards)
EB103: How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong
EB104: Why It Is Unacceptable To Relieve Yourself Anywhere Except In The Bathroom
EB105: You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Damn Well Please
EB106: How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
EB107: Attainable Goal - Omitting Foul Expletives From Your Vocabulary
EB108: Fluffing The Blankets After Farting Is Not Necessary

General Electives:
GE101: You, The Weaker Sex
GE102: Mother-in-Laws Are People Too
GE103: The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous
GE104: Male Bonding: Leave Your Friends At Home
GE105: You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson, Especially When Naked

Home Economics:
HE101: You Too Can Do Housework
HE102: How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray
HE103: Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly called "Don't Wash My Silks")
HE104: Garbage - Getting It To The Curb
HE105: Get A Life - Learn To Cook
HE106: How To Put Down A Toilet Seat (formerly called "No, It's Not A Bidet")
HE107: How To Tolerate Bras And Pantyhose Hanging In The Bathroom
HE108: How To Color-Coordinate
HE109: Aiming Techniques, In the Bathroom
HE110: Overcoming Electronic Gadgetry Obsession

Interpersonal Relationships:
IR101: Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4:00am
IR102: Reasons To Give Flowers
IR103: Give Me A Break - Why We Know Your Excuses Are Often Bullchit
IR104: Romanticism - Other Ideas Beyond Sex
IR105: Marriage - Those Who Talk And Play Together, Stay Together

Life Skills:
LS101: Combatting Stupidity
LS102: Parenting Roles Beyond Initial Conception
LS103: Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right
LS104: Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
LS105: How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without Getting Lost
LS106: The Remote Control - Overcoming Your Dependency
LS107: Helpful Posture Hints For Couch Potatoes
LS108: You Too Can Be A Designated Driver
LS109: Changing Your Underwear - It Really Works!
LS110: You Don't Really Need That Porsche After Thinning Hair And Mid-Life Crisis
LS111: Knowing When To Stop And Ask For Directions When Lost On The Road

Sex Education:
SE101: How To Stay Awake After Sex
SE102:  You Really Can Fall Asleep Without Doing It, If You Really Try.
SE103: How To Interpret A Female "No" Reply When She Really Means "NO"
SE104: How To Interpret A Female "No" Reply When She Really Means "Yes"



Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 09, 2011, 08:27:19 pm
Ok... who's signing up for classes???
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: 71vert on November 09, 2011, 08:27:59 pm
I think they should be the topic of January's meeting.... Start out the new year right!   #@rofl3
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 09, 2011, 08:29:41 pm
That's right... resolutions.   Although, most never keep their resolutions, so maybe that's not a good idea...



                                           &$hmmthin_+
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: lovebus (jack) on November 09, 2011, 08:50:53 pm
Put me down for: EB108, HE110, LS103 & SE101

 Q3surrender.gif      Q3surrender.gif      Q3surrender.gif   =+grouphu9
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 09, 2011, 08:55:59 pm
How about SE 101 A?  HOW TO STAY AWAKE DURING SEX
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: 71vert on November 09, 2011, 08:59:22 pm
 &^rofl #@rofl3 &^rofl #@rofl3 &^rofl #@rofl3 &^rofl #@rofl3
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: lovebus (jack) on November 10, 2011, 03:30:06 pm

How about SE 101 A?  HOW TO STAY AWAKE DURING SEX

I told you NOT to tell anyone!!!  ?/banghea?/
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 10, 2011, 03:57:32 pm
 !!ROFL !!ROFL
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: matt on November 10, 2011, 08:48:29 pm
                                    I told you NOT to tell anyone!!!  ?/banghea?/






#@rofl3           #@rofl3          #@rofl3         
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 10, 2011, 08:53:26 pm
Matt, can we sign you up for some classes too??   
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: matt on November 10, 2011, 10:00:20 pm
 


  Nah, I passed them all years ago........................    thumpup)-




Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 11, 2011, 08:00:19 am
I don't know.... I'm sure there are a few on there that really could benefit you.   You probably only passed because you copied from someone else...    #@rofl3
Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: matt on November 11, 2011, 08:52:49 pm




                                                          [gunfiring\

Title: Re: Classes for Women
Post by: kvbug (karen) on November 11, 2011, 09:00:24 pm
 &^rofl #@rofl3 &^rofl #@rofl3 &^rofl #@rofl3

              Well stop cheating on your tests,  Matt!!!   We know that's the only way a man would pass all those classes.