SJVWC Forums
VW Lounge => OFF Topic => Topic started by: vwtrike (Rich) on April 11, 2015, 11:09:52 am
-
> Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
> A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
>
> Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
> A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
>
> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
> A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
>
> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
> A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!
>
> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
> A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
>
> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
> A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
>
> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
> A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
>
> Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
> A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..
>
> Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
> A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
> Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
>
> And remember:
> Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
>
> AND.....
>
> For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
>
> 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
>
> 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
>
> 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
>
> 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..
>
> 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
>
> CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you
-
^banana= =burger icecream =hungry
-
You can always depend on Rich for a laugh. s=un
-
Dog for Sale
A guy is driving in rural Alabama and he sees a sign in front of a tired old house with lots of deferred maintenance: 'Talking Dog For Sale '
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
(http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/images27/LabradorRetrieverPurebredDog4YearsOldMaggieMay1.jpg)
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so... I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he lies more than Hillary; He's never been out of the back yard'
-
Oh, that was good! Thanks for sharing!