retirement

[vwtrike (Rich)]

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your a** from the hot water in
the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face
when you open your oven door.

6. The 4 seasons are tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING
ME?!!

   OR
                      You can retire     to California where...
     
     1. You make over $250,000 and you     still can't afford to buy a   
house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long
it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

6. The 4 seasons are Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...

       1. You say "the city" and expect   everyone to know you mean
Manhattan .

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is "nature."

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn. (Note: if you have a car).

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...

       1. You only have four spices: salt,   pepper, ketchup, and
Tabasco .

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for casserole. (Note: it is called
"hot dish")

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are winter, still winter, almost winter, and
construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where...

      1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in   the same store.

2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. (note: love those
southern girls who say. "I'll put out for y'all.")

3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty
Jean, etc.

5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder."

It's important to know the difference, too.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...

      1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike   atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home
and he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the central Midwest where...

       1. You've never met any celebrities, but   the mayor knows your
name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
different!"

OR

FINALLY...

      You can retire   to Florida where...

      1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the   afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind, even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

[kvbug (karen)]

 #@rofl3